I Will Rise

Happy Easter! I've realized, just last night, that the devil has been trying to take my entire week! This past week was meant to reflect on my Savior, His death, and resurrection, and it's been one of the worst weeks for me, emotionally at least. I started off the week great, and nothing has really happened that is different than normal, but Satan has been tempting me to focus on my faults, sins, and frustrations instead of putting my eyes on Him. Unfortunately, he almost got away with it, but I wouldn't let him do it. No way, Jose!

I absolutely love Easter. Easter is such a happy holiday, and it is truly a favorite of mine. I love everything Spring, pastel colors, and sadly, candy(Creme eggs?! Oh my). I love the tradition of going to Mamo's(my dad's mom) to get together with the extended family. I love hunting for Easter eggs. I love dyeing eggs. I love singing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" and "My Redeemer Lives"(even though we didn't do either today... sad day). I love to reflect on what God has done to/through my life, and praise Him for it. I love realizing all over again just HOW MUCH my Christ loves me, and the fact that He lives! But every single year, without fail, the week before Easter is tough. Satan is just tempting me in all ways, and won't let down. I have to try SO hard to concentrate and flee from temptation. 

Easter is also hard just because its a holiday. On major holidays, everything is pretty much cancelled and it's family time. Family time is not good when you've lost part of it. People go to church as a family on holidays as well, especially since all children's programs are cancelled, but for people who have lost someone find those times hard. For my family at least, we can do all the healing and be fine during the whole year, but when the holidays come, it just gets hard! I don't like sitting as a family on Easter Sunday or Christmas Eve just because it's the biggest reminder that my lovely brother is no longer with us. No, I haven't been in denial the past 2 1/2 years or anything, but that's when it hits the hardest. When we go out to lunch as a family and he's not there, it's alright. I miss sometimes too, or my sisters will go out with their friends instead and it's normal, but at holidays, esp. for church, is when EVERYONE is there. No family member misses, and I think that's why it's the hardest. No words can express how much I miss him. There will be a day, and it will be glorious. I am so grateful for a God who has saved me, but I'm also just as grateful for a God who saved Stephen. It is so challenging just to live my everyday life without Stephen, but I can do it and have joy and hope because He Lives and has extended the life He gives to my little self. It's alright, I'll make it, I'll turn tragedy to triumph. Today we sang a song in church that I absolutely adore. It's called "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin and is pretty much my lifesong. 

I Will Rise

By: Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He has risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise 

And I hear the voice of many angles sing

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart

"Worthy is the Lamb" 

I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees 

And rise

I will rise

I just love that song so much. It's wonderful to know that some day I will leave this hurting, painful, sinful, sick earth and go to be glorious with Christ. As an  added bonus, Stephen will be there too. I just honestly can't wait. Another way I interpret this song is as an encouragement for my life here on earth. I can rise up against my fears, faults, and tragedies to follow Him! I am not bound by what I have done or circumstances around me, but I can be free to serve my King. I WILL rise, and I don't have to stay in my pity, grieving, depressed self. God will rescue me and give me hope if I let him. I can rest in that, and I do. Thank you is not enough.

Here's a video of Chris talking about what led him to write the song. It seems like he wrote it just so I can praise my God and be encouraged. You can hear the actual song in the background. I am blessed to have hope. I will rise.