My Ramblings... (What else would you expect?)

Goodness gracious! It has been too long since I've updated! I'm afraid its only going to be random things written numerically. What happens is that I'll miss one day (or one thing that happened) and then after a while it just gets to be too much, but I still want to write about the thing that I originally wanted to write! Whatever, this is so pointless and confusing, and here I go... rambling. I guess it fits the name of the blog!

1. Two weeks ago today, there was a baptism service for our youth group at a students' home. We used their pool for the baptisms, and 7 people got baptized! It was a special time\I just love baptism. People getting baptized, the idea and reasoning behind baptism, the whole shebang... I love it. I'm excited to know that I can walk this ever-so-important walk with them, and now I know they are game.

2. It's over. I quit my job. You think I'm probably kidding, but I kid you not. I have loved the opportunity, and the pros of it(like wonderful hospitality... ridiculous closeness to my house), but thats not what I will be doing when May 6th rolls around. I gave my two week notice, and I'm done next week. I'm doing another list:

               a. There was simply just horrible cussing(my boss cussing at me... co-workers), which I know I can handle and isn't abnormal but I just don't want to put up with it and make myself struggle if I don't have to! Also, my dad has a lot of experience in retail/food industry, and he said a manager shouldn't be cussing(and there shouldn't be very much cussing in the workplace at all) but its not against the law or anything, but just courtesy.

               b. Another thing I was/am frustrated about is the schedule. This week, I freaking didn't get my schedule until today. Monday night my manager told me I was working this morning, but the rest I found out today when I look at the official, on paper schedule! Thats just plain nuts! My whole life doesn't revolve around this job, and its not good business-running to do that. 

               c. There's a really mean cook there who works at night, and I feel very threatened by him. EVERY time I see him, he make some snide(but serious) remark about me being "professional" and "doing my job". I was there one night, and wasn't even on duty(!), but he was yelling at me and made me cry(although I just left and didn't let them see me cry, but cried in my car)! He just makes me so upset and I don't want to work in that environment! 

               d. I'm just not proud of working there. Their food(especially at first) would take 20 minutes to get out the window, just for a chopped beef sandwich! I don't even want people to go in and see me because it's unpredictable how the service/food will be! It all depends on who's working. Also, it's a barbeque place, and we have 4 sauces(original, smokey, pineapple, and jalapeno), but we only give out 3! We've been out of original sauce for a few weeks now. They have a warehouse where they keep a lot of sauces, but there was none left and they had to order some from the people who actually make it. They shouldn't have even opened! About a week or two after we opened they realized it. They should've known they needed to order more before they opened. There's just no excuse. The thing is... I have to be the one to tell all the customers cause I'm a cashier! The managers and the owners don't care that we don't have the original sauce cause they don't have to deal with the customers! 

               e. I am going to be gone for a lot of the summer(working at camps and such) and knew they would need to hire someone else anyways. Well, I'd be going if they'd let me off.  

               f. (One more thing... I promise:-)) I applied and got the job as a cashier. I didn't know what the responsibilities were because this restaurant isn't a chain, and this is their first-ever place. I figured I'd be possibly taking food out to people, (obviously) taking orders, and keeping the front counter dry. I was thinking I'd possibly have to keep the drink/condiment counter clean/stocked as well, but I didn't think I'd be doing bussing! After I was hired they got some bus boys, but the thing is that the bus boys decided they wanted to cashier instead of bus, so now we're all cashiers and bus boys! I mean, its not that insane to have a cashier doing bussing, but it's not what was supposed to happen. Even though I didn't have specific job duties, I knew they were getting bus boys, and I didn't expect to bus. Now.... there are tons of plusses to this job, don't get me wrong.  I love how hospitable my manager is. He has no problem if we're late(as long as we let him know), told us at the beginning not to be shady about taking money but if there was a problem then to just come talk to him and he'd give us money/loan us money... just don't take it, offered to give anyone rides at times if they need it, and is generally grateful for people. I love him, but they just don't run a business well. That's it. I'm done with this topic. 

3. After all that, I'm going to apply to work at Chick-fil-a tomorrow. My friend works there, said she could get me a job. I figured it would make more sense to apply after summer's over, but she said she knew they would let me off after only working a month and  hopefully I can drag in a little money. I'm really excited. See... I wanted to work at Chick-fil-a before I even started working at Bobbie Que's, and I applied there at least twice, but they never hired me cause it didn't ever work out. This time, though, I'm hoping everything will work. I know I'll like it a lot more than Bobbie Que's. 

4. I've been amazed at how fast this year has gone by! I am going to be Senior... yes... a SENIOR in just about a month or so. Are you freaking serious?! Holy crap! Every time I think about it I just get a daze. It's exhilarating to me, but scary. Well, not scary, just makes me anxious. I don't know. It's just the weirdest thing in the world that this time next year I'll be getting ready to graduate and leave to go overseas. Woah.

5. JJ's message this past Sunday was incredible. I just hope this catches on and we can (God can) start a movement in our youth group because of all he said. Slightly off topic, I appreciate his honesty with us. I think pastors tend to get stuck in the thought pattern that everyone thinks they are perfect, and they have to live up to that so they can't be real. Personally, I think we don't want/expect pastors and leaders to feel that way, but somehow they think it. I think what the congregation wants is for them to be vulnerable, just like they expect us to be. 

Well... I'm plum tired of typing. I'f you've even made is this far, I know you know why my hands are tired! Thank you for letting me write all this. I know if I didn't do this lot-of-posts-in-one I would never get around to say the things I want to! I'm going to go crash in bed. Hopefully next time I won't wait so long so the posts aren't as freakishly long. Oh! I forgot to write about the dance!.... tomorrow will come...

Much Love,

(what do you think of the signature? I don't know. Eh.)

I Will Rise

Happy Easter! I've realized, just last night, that the devil has been trying to take my entire week! This past week was meant to reflect on my Savior, His death, and resurrection, and it's been one of the worst weeks for me, emotionally at least. I started off the week great, and nothing has really happened that is different than normal, but Satan has been tempting me to focus on my faults, sins, and frustrations instead of putting my eyes on Him. Unfortunately, he almost got away with it, but I wouldn't let him do it. No way, Jose!

I absolutely love Easter. Easter is such a happy holiday, and it is truly a favorite of mine. I love everything Spring, pastel colors, and sadly, candy(Creme eggs?! Oh my). I love the tradition of going to Mamo's(my dad's mom) to get together with the extended family. I love hunting for Easter eggs. I love dyeing eggs. I love singing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" and "My Redeemer Lives"(even though we didn't do either today... sad day). I love to reflect on what God has done to/through my life, and praise Him for it. I love realizing all over again just HOW MUCH my Christ loves me, and the fact that He lives! But every single year, without fail, the week before Easter is tough. Satan is just tempting me in all ways, and won't let down. I have to try SO hard to concentrate and flee from temptation. 

Easter is also hard just because its a holiday. On major holidays, everything is pretty much cancelled and it's family time. Family time is not good when you've lost part of it. People go to church as a family on holidays as well, especially since all children's programs are cancelled, but for people who have lost someone find those times hard. For my family at least, we can do all the healing and be fine during the whole year, but when the holidays come, it just gets hard! I don't like sitting as a family on Easter Sunday or Christmas Eve just because it's the biggest reminder that my lovely brother is no longer with us. No, I haven't been in denial the past 2 1/2 years or anything, but that's when it hits the hardest. When we go out to lunch as a family and he's not there, it's alright. I miss sometimes too, or my sisters will go out with their friends instead and it's normal, but at holidays, esp. for church, is when EVERYONE is there. No family member misses, and I think that's why it's the hardest. No words can express how much I miss him. There will be a day, and it will be glorious. I am so grateful for a God who has saved me, but I'm also just as grateful for a God who saved Stephen. It is so challenging just to live my everyday life without Stephen, but I can do it and have joy and hope because He Lives and has extended the life He gives to my little self. It's alright, I'll make it, I'll turn tragedy to triumph. Today we sang a song in church that I absolutely adore. It's called "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin and is pretty much my lifesong. 

I Will Rise

By: Chris Tomlin

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He has risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise 

And I hear the voice of many angles sing

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart

"Worthy is the Lamb" 

I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God, fall on my knees 

And rise

I will rise

I just love that song so much. It's wonderful to know that some day I will leave this hurting, painful, sinful, sick earth and go to be glorious with Christ. As an  added bonus, Stephen will be there too. I just honestly can't wait. Another way I interpret this song is as an encouragement for my life here on earth. I can rise up against my fears, faults, and tragedies to follow Him! I am not bound by what I have done or circumstances around me, but I can be free to serve my King. I WILL rise, and I don't have to stay in my pity, grieving, depressed self. God will rescue me and give me hope if I let him. I can rest in that, and I do. Thank you is not enough.

Here's a video of Chris talking about what led him to write the song. It seems like he wrote it just so I can praise my God and be encouraged. You can hear the actual song in the background. I am blessed to have hope. I will rise.

Weekend Recap/Off to Work

This weekend was such a blessing. Yes, it's hard to keep your cool when things go wrong and your dad is in charge, but it went, and it was alright. The girls(as in... my two sisters) and I led in worship(and some silly songs) and we just did it. All three of us tend to let our nerves get in the way, but we did it and didn't let our feelings get in the way. I didn't get to spend very much time with my dad because he was working (the biggest downside to him doing it), but I'm glad the other girls got to spend time with their dads.

We also got to visit with the Ede family because they were working the retreat(Thank you for all the workers!). They are such all wonderful, and I enjoy every minute I am with them. My Ellen(she's 12) is my favorite person ever, and she is just loads of fun. Hopefully we'll get to see them soon!

Now I'm off to work. I need to get off this thing and get ready! Sheesh!

Work, Camping, and Owning your Junk

I guess work has been keeping me busy! It has been a week since I have updated! So far work has been coming along alright, even though I have pressed the panic button, forgot to give someone $8 of change, and doubled an order so there was a $30 order that never got paid for. Sigh. I sure hope they don't fire me. At least I'm the one who has made over $20 in tips(two nights in a row, I might add) compared to the other girl who made $3! They better be glad with split the tips between all of us. I have my issues with work(like all the sailor-like cussing...) I enjoy most of it. My manager(who unfortunately is one of the cursers) is really nice, treats us like family, and genuinely cares about us. I mean, seriously, this guy told us to make sure we don't steal or anything, but if we need money or whatever just come to him and we can figure something out but don't think about just taking it cause "you'll get your a** whooped and my mean side will come out. This is the nice me right here, and you don't want to see my other side". I know he doesn't sound too nice, but he really is. You can't really tell unless you see him for yourself(and you could see me at the same time!). Enough about that.

Tomorrow Jaclyn, Julianna, Dad, and I will be leaving for the Father-Daughter Retreat with our church. Dad(and all of us who have been sucked into it) has been the main coordinator/planner, and he is so detail-oriented I hope us girls get to spend at least two minutes with him! We shall see... The main thing I'm worried about is the music my sisters and I are supposed to do. They haven't even told me what songs we're singing, so I hope I can play them! Deep breath, Loribeth, deep breath. This has been one frustration of my week. Lord, calm this anger raging in my heart. Well... it should be good. Pray for it all if you feel called. We appreciate prayers on our behalf. 

A friend of mine tagged me in a note on Facebook, and it brought a few things to the front of my mind. I just remembered how important it is to own your mistakes, heartbreaks, sins, scars, memories, and sad circumstances. You can't just try to tuck it away, because it will always be there and eat away at who you are and how you relate to people(and to God).  You have to take those things, thoroughly examine them, and call them your own... I don't mean you should brag or be prideful about sin or bad things, but just take them and say "Yes, this horrible thing occurred in my life, BUT My God has redeemed/saved/restored me through it!" If you don't own it and let God use it, then Satan will! We do not want Satan taking a hold of it, because all he will do is ruin it and make it be in vain. If we're going to go through all that junk, don't we want God to be able to use it?! I don't want to go through all of that pain, grief, and searching just to let me be in vain. It has gotten to the point where I'm protective about all of it! I would just be appalled if Satan got it! There is so much excruciating pain I've had to go through(and still do deal with) with my brother Stephen's death, and there is no way I want to let Satan use it! I want to just let God get all over it just so the Devil can't! God has given/allowed some things to bring Him the greatest glory and bring me ever closer to Him, and I don't want to waste it all because of my lack to deal with it! I can't stress how MUCH pain and hurt that I want God to use! To Him be the glory! Amen!

A Spring Break Week

I am having an exciting Spring Break! It tends to get better every year. Thank goodness!

I've done boring things like cleaning, watching tons of movies, sleeping, wasting time on this blog and Facebook(even thought I hate the new one!) and everything else you can think of. I really do enjoy doing all of those things, but thank goodness my regular schedule doesn't allow time for things like watching too many movies and spending so much time on Facebook and blog! I would be ruined forever.

On a more exciting note, I have gotten to hang out with some friends this week as well. Tuesday night I went to my friend Shannon's house for a sleepover. Mary, Hannah, and Kara were all there too, and we had a blast. They are truly my deepest, best friends. I am so thankful for them. I would seriously not be here right now if it weren't for their consistent, ever-loving, always caring relationships with me. We all get along so well, and have a fun time together, but we also have many serious conversations that can certainly end up in tears because of our sharing in joy and grief with one another.

I also got to go to dinner, and then back to my house for board games with some friends. We were supposed to go bowling, but it was too crowded. See, the original plan was to come back to my house to hang out, but then when my little brother Michael got the flu, we decided that would not be a good idea, so we agreed to go bowling instead. Obviously, the bowling thing didn't work out because it was too full, so we came back home and played board games outside where Michael didn't leave his germs. We played Quelf(VERY fun game if you've never heard of it), spoons, and then I whipped out my guitar and we sang for a little bit. It was a lot of fun, but I wish we did things like that more often. Who knows, maybe we will!

Okay. THIS is exciting news! I have officially landed myself a job! Mmhmm. A REAL job, and not just babysitting. I will be working at Bobbie Que's Smokehouse, which is literally only about 5 minutes from my house. It was supposed to open today, so I went in to start, but apparently they decided to push the opening back a day and forgot to tell the cashiers. Whoops! The poor things. It's not a chain or anything, but just a "family" business sort of thing, and they are learning what to do to open a restaurant! No joke, I called to get info about applying, and was supposed to start today. Does every job application go that quickly? That is just insane. I'm not complaining though, don't worry! The weirdest thing about this new job of mine is that, ironically, I don't like barbeque! Yes... I AM a Texan(born and raised) yet I do not like barbeque. My family and friends enjoy letting me know that is against the rules, but what can I say? To put it briefly, I am excited about this job! The family (and family friends, I think) that own it are really sweet, and were genuinely sorry they didn't let me know ahead of time about the delay in opening. Although there's been some communication problems, I am confident this will improve once we all get into the hang of things. :-)

And there you have it, my week of Spring Break in a nutshell. We'll see how my last couple days end up. 

This week is Spring Break for all the PSK's(Public School Kids). I took last week off(even though I probably should have done my work) and am excited for this week too. I tend to go through spurts of being anti-social, not talking to anyone, not hanging out, or wanting to do anything but watch movies and read books for a week or so every.. oh... couple months or so. I'm just hoping this week isn't one of them, especially since it's starting out like it will be! What thrills me is the fact that I will only be babysitting one time this week! :-) I am too excited. I think I have gotten burned out on babysitting, just because I do it so often(at LEAST 3 times a week... often up to 5 or 6). Bleh. 

After church today I went to a meeting for the Short-Term Missions at my church. Just a few months ago we hired a new, incredible, inspiring missions pastor, and I am elated that he's here. I just can't wait to see what God is going to do.

And... as randomly noted as can be, I am falling in love with Pandora Internet Radio. Well, I don't love it, obviously, but I sure do like it! My only problem is that I can't think of anything to type in! Go to www.pandora.com and listen if you wish.

In going with the randomness of today's post, I'd also like to mention that I have no clue what I'm doing this summer! Okay, I lied, because I do have an idea, but that's all I have, ideas. I know one thing I'm not doing(going to Mexico), but I have 3 camps I want to be at all summer! I have to split up my time, and I'm afraid I will choose the wrong weeks and miss out! I need to just get a move on it. A new chance came about today for this summer, though. Greg(the missions pastor) is trying to get a group together to go to New York this summer, about he same time as the Mexico trip. New York was supposed to be for Seniors through college(I'm a Junior) so I thought it was out of the question, but apparently not! Greg said that if there are other student who would like to go, and aren't going to Mexico(because they will be at about the same time) are welcome as long as the youth pastor, JJ, agrees. I'm not sure why yet, but I just feel the need to go on this trip. I hope I'm not just listening to my feeling because I respect Greg and would always jump at the chance to go on a trip with him, but I'm listening to a conviction from God that I am supposed to go to New York, and thats why I was not supposed to go to Mexico. See, about a week before and after my last post, I had been considering and praying about going to Mexico with TSMAC(The Student Ministry At Cypress... my youth group. Pronounced tee-smack.). I went last year, was blessed immeasurably, and I'm seeing the effects of it even now, yet I am not going this year. Are you wondering why? Good question! :-) To be honest, I had never really seriously prayed about a mission trip before, and I had a lot to learn. My reasoning was "Why not? Why would God NOT want me to go on a mission trip? He always loves it when I serve others, right?" Well, it's not that He doesn't want me to serve Him, BUT that Mexico is not the way I will bring Him the greatest glory right now. I know it sounds a little silly, but this was consuming my life for a couple weeks! I couldn't concentrate on my school work, was preoccupied most of the time because I was searching for a Word from God! When I first felt the conviction that I shouldn't go on this trip, I was like "Oh... I'll just pray and God will tell me. No big deal!" but God wanted to show me to truly depend on Him, even if it was through the decision of a small, week-long trip. He clearly told me through prayer, Scripture, and encouragement from others that going to Mexico is not for me this year. So sad, but I am glad to help the team prepare to leave and have a successful time there. I'm going to miss my Mexico friends even more! A blessing though, from this decision is that my incredible friend Kara isn't going either, so it will be much easier on the both of us who will be sitting at home or doing something else while many of our friends are on the trip.

Well... that turned out a lot longer than I thought it would. I can get a little carried away. I have some serious prayer and meditation to do about this New York possibility. 

Goodnight, and I hope you have a splendid Spring Break!

It has been a week since I've updated! Oh gee... I need to dedicate a whole post to the retreat, and I am STILL thinking about things from it, so that will have to wait, but I have other (not-so-)exciting things to write about!

At this very moment, as in, right now, I am visiting my wonderful friend Hannah in Dallas! She moved up here around Thanksgiving, and although she visits home quite often, I desperately needed to come see her in her new home! I actually love it up here. The area that she lives in is quite new, and I absolutely love new things! We leave tomorrow to go back home, and I'll miss this break. I should just be thankful for even getting to visit and for my parents' permission to leave home during a school week, but it is just so stinking hard. Sigh.

Yesterday was Stephen's birthday. It wasn't very different for me, but I guess that's probably because I'm not with my family and didn't get the full emotional experience. Wow... right now I h ave a 20-year-old brother. How does that happen? I remember thinking about how wonderful it would be when Stephen turned 20, and I'd be 17, and we could both drive! It was amazing to think about how wonderful and perfect life would be when we would be grown up! It is seriously hard for me to believe that I/my family is getting so old! That baby brother of mine is now 9? What is happening? Life is leaving and slipping right by! On another note, I guess it's good that I'm realizing this now instead of later? I think it's making me appreciate life and the days I have here, and helping me decide what I'm going to do with those days!

Hannah is waiting for me to get off this silly computer so we can enjoy our time together. I'll be back, and hopefully is won't be as long as last time!